Dear Sir Naipaul
You probably do not remember me. Correction. You definitely do not remember me. Unless I am mistaken, it would be truthful to say – you do not know me. Not in the least. But like so many readers of your literary genius, I am a huge fan. Which brings me to believe that I know you. I remember the very first time that I saw you. You were in a tweed jacket, strewn across the center page of Sunday(India), holding a glass of wine. Correction. It was not you, but your photograph in the stead. And clinging around it, was your interview. One which I cannot remember much about, except that it was not well received by the aam juntaa (the common man). As you will notice, being an aspiring writer myself, I have (rather discreetly if I may add) begun the use of colloquial words in otherwise routine sentences with no specific direction. And I digress !!
The reason I am sending you this note, which really is a letter of apology is because of a collective feeling of guilt, emptiness and delight that I have experienced in the last few weeks. These emotions were dispersed over several sporadic instances. While some of these outbursts were set off by a complete lack of control on my part, others were in fact well anticipated. As I write to you, I feel within myself an urge to bring out what has been inside, for days. I am ashamed for what I have pampered myself with and this is my confession !!
Forgive me, Sir Vidiadhar for I have sinned ! I have spent several hours reading your books. One after the other. Most of them notable affiliates of your non-fiction empire. And during this time, (that is when I was soaking your words in), I was most comfortably situated in one corner of my humble abode. The corner that houses a white commode. Every day (and sometimes every night), as I commenced with the business of natural evolution, my eyes have devoured your writings with the speed of a high power evacuator. There was no stopping me, if you know what I mean !!
I know, that most your books have found their place in numerous academic syllabi. They have been provided with the highest form of ambience. And I wish to assure you, that it has been no different with this wonderful piece of masonry. The respect for your work is firm. For whatever it is worth, I do have an explanation. You see privacy has been a rarity since I immersed myself in matrimonial bliss and natural parenthood. Till the day, when I devised a way to transform my stay in the lavatory to what I like to call mini-vacation. True, it did induce some curiosity and a lot more concern from my spouse, who was used to my lightning speed visits for purposes of (for lack of better word) – Number 2. And for this I apologize !!
All fed said and done, I do wish to conclude this rather boorish correspondence. As far as my reading habits are concerned, I know it is not the best of the times. But believe me when I say, it is not also the worst of the times. Specially after a heavy dinner. I do believe that somewhere you will find in yourself the heart (and maybe the stomach) to forgive me. I would be relieved to know that you value my desire to experience gastronomical and intellectual ecstasy with equal density and spontaneity !!
Warm regards
Your ardent follower – (from the times when M.J.Akbar changed the face of newspaper journalism)
dear LEB
But why specifically VSN?
Any link between curing constipation with turgid prose?
Varsha – welcome to the blog and thanks for the comment. Turgid was most certainly not the goal, though if it did read a little along those lines, then – point noted. As far as the link- it is not a proven theory… yet. Maybe someday. 😛
I prefer Amitav Ghosh to Naipaul. Could never get myself to read any of his books. I tried with ” A house for Mr Biswas” and failed miserably.
And you are doing a fine job, you needn’t have apologized.
I like them both, though it is the great Naipaul I favor. But then to each her own. Thanks for the support Purba. It was the circumstances of my perusal that called for an apology. 😉
Dear LEB
Yes, I do remember you. Not many people can remember the future. But I do.
I will keep it short. I enjoyed your open letter as much as I enjoy my own white commode. Unfortunately, I could not enjoy the two things together because of the lack of Wi-Fi connectivity in this part of the world.
You have not sinned – neither by enjoying my books, nor by ……….. you know, …….. I couldn’t help noticing the fact that you said ‘spouse’ instead of making it clear whether it is a wife or a husband; and the fact that you felt it necessary to mention the words ‘natural parenthood’!
May God bless you in your next birth
VSN
Dear Sir
It is with tears in my eyes that I read your comment. I shall now celebrate this by taking photo copies of the monitor. I am glad that you were trying to help while noticing. Because it is important to be multitasking in this age.My actions are evidence. Your verbatim review of this letter gives me hope that there is a chance for me to rise above the “natural” course of evolution !!
May I inquire on why the supply of God’s blessings be delayed till my next birth ?
LEB
I guess he meant that God totally forgot about you in your ‘this’ birth. That’s the impression he got from the post.
However, I personally loved this post even tho I haven’t read VSN yet. I guess I’ve started to mimic your writing style subconsciously.
Thanks for bringing a big smile to my drab work life. It was a noble idea and I greatly appreciate it. Glad you loved the post. Was not sure if I could reach out to the reader(s) without losing the “flow”. 😛
hehehe… nice one! If there is one place that has contributed immensely in spreading the love for literature, it has to be the hot seat. I have a galore of family members who love to spend their reading hours there, me is definitely not left behind. Infact, my dearest Maamu jaan always has a book perched on the shelf in there! Although my mom came up with some ‘vidya should not be read on potty’ scare, but loved conquered all!
Keep it coming! 🙂
Welcome to the blog Deepa. Thanks for your comment. Same in our household. Though while growing up it would be difficult to attend to mosquitoes and stay squatted with a book in hand. Ma used to say the same thing, but succumbed under “pressure” from all. Glad you liked it.Will try my best. 😛
India can pay back the respect in the only ways it is familiar with and I’d be mortified if it were to be discreet! I doubt if Sir Vidia is shocked, though. Great piece of writing.
Welcome to the blog Umashankar. Indeed there is nothing discreet anymore. Thanks for your kind words. Hope to see more of you in future. 😛
See, we had Naipaul in our syllabus back in college but I don’t remember a thing about the dude or the books he wrote. Actually I don’t remember how I got through my literary criticism paper. Or even my degree itself. I do remember the paratha and kheema we used to get in the canteen though. Sometimes, that was my only incentive to attending college. I digress. You’re rubbing off on me.
But yeah, why the hell were you reading Naipaul?
You had VSN as part of your syllabus ? Wow 😛 Well at least he deserved the credit for “sumptuous” memories. I am reading his non-fiction works. You see my son is now at a stage where he is picking up words and I need to provide him with the best. 😉
You have a very stylish way of putting across what you have to say.
Congratulations! Sir Vidiya himself commented on ur blog.
And now that you have said so much next time i will control my urge to pick up Bill Bryson or Yann Martel and choose Naipaul instead.But non fiction is not my forte but still i will try 🙂
Shivani ..thanks much for your kind words. You know you do not have to try his non-fiction. He has fiction aplenty. Depending on what kind of “time- line” you are working with. 😉
“I would be relieved to know that you value my desire to experience gastronomical and intellectual ecstasy with equal density and spontaneity !!”
LOL…That was a really fun read. Haven’t read any of VSN’s books but your posts make me feel that I should pick one soon.
Piyush…welcome to the blog.Thanks much for your kind words. I am sure you will enjoy them as much as I do 😉 Hope to see you back again in future.
LOL!!!!!!! Number 1 – I am enjoying reading this post on my bed … Number 2 couldn’t force myself to make the effort to move elsewhere. Don’t read between the lines, loved your italics 😆 Absolutely loved the post.
I had read ‘A house for Mr Biswas’ in college… never felt the urge to read more 😛
Thank you IHM for your kind words. It is a regular habit to never read between the lines. 😉
LOL! How can something so mundane be so funny?! Loved the use of words, colloquial or otherwise 🙂
So mundane ?? I believe it is a vital push to one’s happiness. Welcome to the blog Keerthana and thanks for your comment. Hope to see more of you in future. 😛
Really identified with the blog LEB. Nowadays I have two books permanently stationed in my ‘piece of heaven’.
Oh..oh..oh BTW I do often connect to your blog on my BB while I am happily enthroned.
Too much information Pointiller…..glad you are able to multi – relax 😛
Sir VSN must have guessed your genderby now by your style, but he of course is pretending. Let me guess. The style is emminenetly male and certainly not femanine. Moreover if you were a girl, you would have gushed with excitement every alternate sentence of your write up and used words like ‘so cute,sweetie pie’ etc. Another thing, a girl wouldn’t narrate how she goes about doing her potty (white or otherwise). So welcome to the men’s club.
Welcome to the blog Suhas.Precisely, though I am not sure if all girls use the words you have described.Glad to be part of it. Thanks for your comment. Hope to see more of you in future. 🙂
thank you for the elaborate aromatic(?) review of VSN’s writing! lovely mix of brit and american humour! loved it!!
Thanks for your comment MagicEye….I enjoyed building the idea. 😆
‘Cheeky post.’ Satire in place, and in the right quantum, not too long, not too short, good flow, right amount of pressure delivered the right sentiment.
Good stuff.
Thanks much GB … an inspiring “push” like this from you …..means a lot !! 😉
He he he. Must tell you… I laughed at every comment here, and the laugh just got louder as I reached the end.
This is such subtle humour, very elegant indeed!
I was just going to sneak out of here after having a glance, but you know very well – when things get pushy, they get really pushy .
Your name too implies that you’re a man/guy/male (and any other synonym I couldn’t think of). It’s got a “le” in it, ain’t it? 😉 And the name looks pretty French to me.
*Googles* The confused blogger, that’s what it means no?
Was that really VSN replying?? Holy cow. What the hell was that. I didn’t expect that from a Nobel laureate. No, really?
Welcome to the blog LL. I am glad, that the post allowed you to relax without being too loud !!Am indeed a man and the name does have The French Connection , though I am not !! It does translate into – the confused blogger. No it was not the great VSN himself. It was one of my dear fellow bloggers who was kind enough to bring a smile on my “comment” craving face. 😆 Thanks for your comment. Hope to see more of you in future. 🙂
Ha Ha – You know what’s so captivating about your writing. You are really never very sure where is it sarcasm and where it isn’t !! That’s truly brilliant. Superb post – now can we request a post speculating on why No2 is No 2 !!!
I will be working on your request in leisure !! You are tooooooooo kind. Thankooooooo !! 😛
Dear LEB
Such a delightful log. I am myself a great fan of his, what with his free way and will, even if its inflicts pain on others, his eye for self-condemnation and his detail of the mundane.
With such lengthy prose, you must be spending many a long evening on the can.
Anyway, I would have loved, I know I say it again, an entry drawing parallels, from your own live’s displacement and acculturation.
CC
Dear CC
Welcome to the blog. It is such an honor to receive a feedback like this from you. Major ego booster 😛 Glad to know that you are fellow fan of his genius. I cannot explain enough, save saying that I could love to spend even more time resting as I have been. Will try to do a post on the same, though I am not sure if it would be fitting. Thanks for your kind words. Hope to see more of you in future. 🙂
LEB